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Archived entries for  Horny Grazer Restaurant Reviews

We’re always on the lookout for Cape Town’s best restaurants. The ‘Horny Grazer’ is our anonymous restaurant reviewer. Read his brutally honest reviews on the Rhino Africa Blog which should help you sort through the multitude of Cape Town restaurants!

24 Hours At Spier Wine Estate

A Night in the Winelands

The Cape Winelands is one very suave gentlemen. It’s the cufflinks on Cape Town’s tuxedo. Take a date here and you’re bound to win him or her over. A friend met me for lunch at Spier, my accommodation for the night, and even we ended up frolicking around together by the river. Platonically, of course.

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How To Dine Like a Frenchman in Africa – La Mouette Restaurant

La Mouette

“After one taste of French food… I was hooked. I’d never eaten like that before, I didn’t know such food existed. The wonderful attention paid to each detail of the meal was incredible to me. I’d never really drunk good wine before, and knew nothing at all about it. It was simply a whole new [...]

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Maria’s on Dunkley – The Horny Grazer goes Greek

Maria's Restaurant

“You are about to have your first experience with a Greek lunch. I will kill you if you pretend to like it.” Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said this to decorator Billy Baldwin as she welcomed him to the island of Skorpios. Several years earlier she had married a Greek shipping magnate – Aristotle Onassis. It’s not [...]

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Il Leone – The Horny Grazer Goes Italian

Dine Italian style

A tavola non si invecchia (You don’t age while seated for a meal) ~ Italian Proverb It’s hard to find a good, consistent restaurant in Cape Town that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Il Leone is good and consistent. It’s part of the Mastrantonio set up, but it’s more sophisticated than its siblings. [...]

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Durban’s Hottest Restaurants

Umhlanga Light Tower

So you’re heading to the Zulu Kingdom for a holiday? The first thing you need to arm yourself with is this list of the Horny Grazer’s favourite Durban restaurants. There’s a little something for every occasion whether you’re after fine dining or a cheap and cheerful, authentic curry. We’ve also tried to spread the love [...]

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Makaron Restaurant at Majeka House in Stellenbosch

Makaron Restaurant

Floating on the heady prospect of a two week holiday, Daisy (my emasculated Jeep), Mark (my emasculated friend who kindly agreed to accompany me for the night) and I set off with the sort of vim that only a road trip to the Cape Winelands can muster. It’s important to plan any trip to the [...]

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French Toast Wine & Tapas Bar

Cape Town Restaurants

I drink champagne when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thirsty. ~ Madame Lilly Bollinger South Africans do [...]

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Galbi: A one-of-a-kind Horny Grazer experience

galbi2 copy

One of our lovely colleagues and a dear friend of mine celebrated her 30th birthday recently and I was fortunate enough to snag an invite to the celebrations! I’m ashamed to say I did not check the invite clearly or I would have known what the evening had in store. The first line read “bubbly & canapés at Mannabay”, and I read no further; I was already sold! Whatever else happened after that was simply icing on an already gorgeous cake.

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The Horny Grazer reviews: Van Hunks

Van Hunks

Van Hunks is the name of a local legend in Cape Town who had a smoking contest with the devil. He lost. But legend has it that the cloud of tobacco smoke the two left formed the “table-cloth” – the famous white cloud that spills over Table Mountain when the south-easter wind blows in summer. It is said that when that happens, Van Hunks and the Devil are at it again.

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What’s On Eatery – A Horny Grazer Review

Whats On Eatery - Cape Town

“The belly rules the mind.“  ~Spanish Proverb What’s on at the What’s on Eatery?! When my friend first mentioned the name I thought he was saying “What’s on the tree?” in pigeon Zulu. Why was my friend banging on about this place? Was it a Christmas shop selling African baubles? In which case, er, no [...]

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Brad’s Grill – Great Steakhouse

The best steak in town!

I do mean it when I say, this was the best steak I have ever had. I cant recall having a better steak anywhere. It even beats the one I had at 1800 in Greenpoint. It’s no wonder that Brad’s Grill in Claremont has people coming back again and again for its carnivorous offerings.

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Women’s Day: Lunch with the girls

Tasha's restaurant

Three women and a fat bastard … Yesterday was Women’s Day. A public holiday happily enjoyed bossing around the male folk and doing whatever the flip we like. Like a slow ‘n steamy sauna session at the gym, an afternoon shopping binge (the bill came to nearly R3000), flipping through brain-numbing magazines in the sun, [...]

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